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How Romance Happens

On how to create a pathway to Love that is uniquely your own.

When I was 22, I was vigilant in my studies with a beautiful set of values handed down to me from my devoted parents. There was no doubt in my mind, or anyone else’s, that a big fat white wedding was in the near future.

The dizzying heights of unstoppable romantic love felt like the last stop at the station, the nexus of human experience and the place I wanted to get to. All of life was to end at the culmination of this exquisite romantic love.      

(Act 1. Welcome to the Big City)  

Now, my poetic sensibility finds me living inside the emotions of things and I rather prefer the idea of being a forever muse and forever lover than a wife or a girlfriend whose expiration in some form may likely come sooner or with more dis-hearted appeal than someone who is adored as a tender object of virtue, for her full presence, forever changing in phase and whose perspective is anointed with great displays of affection, reverence and appreciation. To be seen and to give to in such sumptuous and outstanding fashion. 

It is after all to see things from the perspective of mature love, of having lived, loved and lost and not with the hubris of my former youth that makes me most lovable after all. Having lost and therefore learnt rather than simply enjoying the bounty of acquisition is what makes life most rich. How difficult it is for me to hang out with people whose lives seem lacking in this quality of deep appreciation. 

Which leads me to the subject of Great Romance. Great romances never die so what do we do when they end? How do we cope, how do we fathom our future in light of their loss? How do we seek to contain something that simply feels bigger than us.    

Do we assume we have failed or have we in fact discovered our deepest treasure? When one door closes the windows swing open…, right?       

Our scripts around love run deep and they are mostly conditioned. To decipher the difference between our internal prompts and our conditioned behavior requires a degree of self-awareness that usually needs to be cultivated. That is what it means to live an awakened life.  

And loving as an Empath, what do sensitive women do? For those of us that feel on the deepest level, those Wild Orchids in a mine field. Or, as my dear friend Catherine Ingram says; those with a twinkle in one eye and a tear in the other.   

Yes, that is me. 

My true nature – On Being Original

It came home to roost that I was a highly spirited and entrepreneurial sort of a person, when an publisher friend of mine suggested I create an llc and call it ‘shares in shelley’ and as opposed to find the suggestion distasteful, I found it brilliant. Not because I am big-headed, on the contrary my ego is likely too keenly kept and leading with it and not my heart more over these years, might have served me better. But rather because it called up something in me – the desire for sheer originality.      

And so as this new phase of my life beckons and I look ahead to determine how I want to envision the nature of my love life moving forward, it is beyond clear to me that what I seek is what works for my true nature right now, based on how I am actually feeling, not based on what society dictates I should be feeling or doing.      

What does it mean to be a women at this age, during this era with my dreams still in tact. Ok, that’s a bit of a push… but the right ember I know would set them alight in a second!  

Breaking away from the tribe has its consequences but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. The smartest people I know and the most self actualized are the most free of conventional systems around coupling. They live with a playful curiosity and a don’t accept anything at face value kind of a spirit.  

On cultivating a path to love that feels uniquely your own and in accordance with your highest nature – The Tinkerbell Effect

You see, I’m interested in Becoming, in variety, in emergence, not in the management of, but rather in what is around the corner, in what can be discovered…         

“To see a world in a grain of sand. And heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand. And eternity in an hour.” William Blake 

The Point of No Return

When I accepted invitation to spend one week away with the man I had recently divorced, I realized I had crossed the point of no return. Clearly still tied to each other and in need of a soft landing, we were both wading in the deep waters of the post marital ache together. 

In those moments the rekindling of our romance and appreciation for each other came flooding back and I temporarily couldn’t figure out why we were parting. The enormous girth of disparity faded away. 

On How to evolve in Souls Love    

There’s no socially established grieving process for the death of a relationship, after a little bit of weeping, we are supposed to pull our socks up, put our big girl panties on ( as a friend of mine says ) and MOVE ON….. WTF…

The mythologizing of the break up is overrated. Pints of ice cream, Zanex and sleepless nights never helped anyone excel at work or become their best self. Can’t countless hours be saved if as opposed to hang, drawing and quartering vast elements of our being in the time to MOVE ON movement –

we could rewrite the Rules on Love. Sounds nutty right – but maybe not!  

Products are iterative. Why aren’t relationships. When you buy a product you know that it will iterate. Let’s call it The Apple Theory of Love. 

That is it, I want to design an Apple Theory On Love.  

(Writings and musings from a book I never wrote © 2018) (illustration from a book cover designed and unused)

Stay tuned and feel free to comment…